I know exactly how you feel. It has happened to me too. The crying thing is part frustration, anger...it's being disappointed in yourself for not being perfect, or at least for others not seeing you as perfect. It's also part that we have never learned to stand up for ourselves...to stand up to authority. We were in a totalitarian religion and taught never to talk back or question. We also are not adept at covering our asses before something happens. We never had to do that.
As a witness we could stand up for the "truth" with anyone because we felt we had a large organization, all the angels and jehovah behind us. But, at work...it's just us. The "world" has grown up knowing how to get others to have their backs. We were taught to rely on jehovah.
As far as a downsizing, I've been there too. I was part of a large worldwide corporation. I did my job so well that I was moved to another department for more pay. I was resented in that department for getting paid the same as people who had been there for 10 years. It was the same as you went through. No training. Low production because of the poor training. I sucked it up and worked hard and taught myself despite the jealousy, backbiting and sabotaging that went on. The industry took a big hit and thousands were layed off. It was last in first out. My position was "deleted' as was I. I was given a fair severance package which I used to purchase a computer and start my own business. I couldn't be happier now.
Start preparing now. Think up your Plan B. If you are layed off you will be compensated by unemployment insurance. If your company has the policy you could get some money to leave. Start looking at other job prospects now, just in case. It's easy to get caught up in the day to day encounters with people that we work with and forget the bigger picture. We work to live not live to work right?
